Posted on: Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Writing Through Loss
Friday, February 10, from 6:30-9:30, at The Healing Center.
One of the best therapies for grief is to tell your story. In this workshop, you will learn how to capture those stories with all their difficult emotions and memories and put them down on paper, an exercise that will astonish you with the power it has to heal. Come prepared with a pen and pad and let’s try and harness the incredible opportunity for creativity that grief has to offer.
We hope you can join us for our first Writing Workshop conducted by Abigail Carter, widow, author, mom, and our board secretary (definitely not in that same order at any given moment!)
If you would like to attend this workshop for our community, please rsvp to Lisa in our office by phone (206) 523-1206 (ext. 15) or email lisae@healingcenterseattle.org
To learn more about Abby, please visit her blog at www.abigailcarter.com
Here is an excerpt from her blog under “about me”: “I grew up in Toronto where I met my husband Arron in 1986. We married in 1990 and then lived around the world – Brussels, London, Boston – before settling in Montclair, NJ where we were happily raising our two kids, Olivia, 6 and Carter, 2 until one sunny September day, when Arron went off to work, later calling me to tell me a bomb had gone off in The World Trade Center where he was attending a trade show. I never spoke with him again.
Thus at the ripe old age of 38, two years after that very fateful day, I began writing down everything I could remember about the two years I had just lived through. In 2005, I moved myself and our two kids to Seattle, WA in order to begin anew. I took a writing course and wrote some more and then by sheer happenstance wound up with my book, The Alchemy of Loss being published.
Like widow(er)s everywhere this is my unintentional life. Perhaps we all lead unintentional lives. I’m beginning to believe so.”
Posted on: Thursday, January 26, 2012
Early Group will take place tonight from 6:30-8pm at The Healing Center.
Dani Baker will facilitate the group with Jane and Mary co-facilitating.
Early Group will continue on a weekly schedule through February 16th. After that, Early Group will revert to its pre-holiday schedule, meeting every other week, so that the schedule in February & March will be the following:
Thursday, February 2
Thursday, February 9
Thursday, February 16
Thursday, March 1
Thursday, March 15
Thursday, March 29
The Healing Center re-evaluates the frequency of this group as new clients join the group. If you have questions or concerns, please feel free to email or phone our Programs Director and Early Group Facilitator, Tom Freeman at tomf@healingcenterseattle.org or (206) 523-1206, ext. 12.
Posted on: Thursday, January 19, 2012
With the continuation of adverse weather conditions, The Healing Center will be canceling Early Group this evening, January 19th. Road conditions in many areas remain unsafe with a mix of freezing rain and snow coming down on frozen slush. In the interest of safety, we don’t want anyone to be driving this evening.
Early Group will resume next week on Thursday, January 26 from 6:30 to 8:00. This will be the last group that Dani Baker will be facilitating at The Healing Center. Please RSVP to Tom Freeman at tomf@healingcenterseattle.org or calling directly (206) 523-1206 (ext. 12).
If you would like to see Dani individually, we encourage you to do so. She can be reached directly at 206-356-5581 or at
danibaker105@gmail.comAs you keep yourselves warm and safe, we hold you in our thoughts and in our hearts.
Posted on: Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Hello Clients and Client Families–
Seattle Public Schools just announced that due to anticipated adverse weather conditions today, Wednesday, January 18, all school programs are closed and therefore so is The Healing Center.
The link to the SPS announcement is included here.
Healing Center policy is that when Seattle Public Schools are closed, children’s and adult groups at The Healing Center are cancelled. We want to keep you safe and secure at home, rather than having you risk potential harm out on the road. As such, our next Healing Club 4-5 will take place Wednesday, February 15 at 4:00 PM.
We’re sorry for this but Mother Nature has the final word. And as we’ve been told, it’s not nice to mess with Mother Nature.
Stay safe. Stay warm. Know that we hold you in our thoughts.
– Tom (& Michele for Adult Creative)
Tom Freeman, MA, LMFT
Director of Children’s Programs
The Healing Center
a grief support community
www.healingcenterseattle.org
tomf@healingcenterseattle.org
(206) 523-1206 (Tel)
(206 523-1808 (Fax)
Posted on: Tuesday, January 10, 2012
We are excited to announce that our annual May Day Walk will be Sunday May 6th, 2012 at Gas Works Park in Seattle.
May Day celebrates the coming of summer and new beginnings. The Healing Center celebrates this holiday with our community, in an effort to raise funds to support grief services for adults, children and families.
Please save the date for this lovely spring afternoon filled with walking, activities, friends, and food! Stay tunes for registration details.
Posted on: Monday, January 09, 2012
“Happy New Year.”
“Is it? It feels like the same ol’ same ol.”
A normal exchange for those of us grieving and just trying to get through the day.
The Healing Center would like to make it easier for grieving clients and families by scheduling events throughout the year that bring together a community of people who get it.
In addition to our support groups which can be found on our Calendar, please join us for the following community get-togethers.
- Mar. 24, 6-8pm Client & Family Potluck
- Apr. 28, 6-8pm Client & Family Potluck
- May 06, 1-4pm May Day Walk, 4th Annual Client & Family Fundraiser
- May 26, 6-8pm Client & Family Potluck
- June 23 Detlef Schrempf Annual Auction & Gala benefiting The Healing Center
- Jul. 28, 6-8pm Client & Family Potluck
- Aug. 22 Client & Family End of Summer BBQ at Golden Gardens Park
- Sept 16 Ceremony of Remembrance
- Sept 22, 6-8pm Client & Family Potluck
- Oct. 28 Dia de los Muertos Celebration and Fundraiser
- Nov. 24, 6-8pm Client & Family Potluck
- Dec. 09, 4-7pm Holiday Client/Family Potluck Party
Posted on: Monday, January 09, 2012
Weekend Early Group Retreat
February 10, 11, 12
Whidbey Island
Please Join us for a weekend Early Group retreat as we explore creative ways to heal our grief through group support, reflection, self-care, massage, sharing of stories and pictures, guided visualization, and other transformational activities. This retreat is specifically for men and women who have had a partner die within the last two years.
Space is limited to 6-8 people. You will receive a packet of information before the retreat, including a schedule, what to bring, directions, etc. We hope you’ll be able to join us!
When: February 10, 11, 12
Where: Willow Pond Lodge, Whidbey Island, Washington
Cost: $350 for the weekend which includes food, lodging, group sessions and a massage by a licensed massage therapist. We ask that you reserve your space with a $100 deposit. Scholarships are available. It may also be possible to get insurance reimbursement for this retreat.
To reserve your space please email our Office Manager, Lisa Ernst(lisae@healingcenterseattle.org). This yearly retreat is made possible by Travis Penn & Willow Pond Lodge and Lake House, Whidbey Island, WA.
Posted on: Thursday, December 22, 2011
Kay, our outstanding champion, kind caregiver, and loyal supporter, died Wednesday afternoon in her home.
Our Founder, Kath McCormack, was with her and has reported: “Kay made her transition today. She was beautiful and peaceful and her ascension was fabulously gentle. Way to go, winter solstice Kay!” – Kath.
Kay was an Advisory Board Member and Visionary Club Supporter. As a massage therapist she gave endless gift certificates and the friends and family rate to Healing Center clients and staff. Many within our community know her from the fabulous massages they received during our Early and Transition Group Retreats. (“My Early Group met in Kay’s house before there was a “Healing Center”- Rebecca”)
Kay and Kath were sorority sisters at University of Oregon (Kappa Alpha Theta) though Kath keeps that under wraps. They have been friends ever since. Kay was the biggest, most loyal supporter of The Healing Center. She told everyone, referred many and even asked people to donate their tips to The Healing Center instead of to her.
Kay believed in The Healing Center’s work for many reasons. Her sister, Jane, died many years ago when Kay’s nephews were in their early teens. Kay has also seen the amazing work that The Healing Center does with client families.
Kay was an amazing individual and lived her life with zest! Her beautiful energy, quirky humor, healing hands and sweet smile were a special gift to many – she will be profoundly missed. For more information about Kay and a wonderful tribute to her written by her sister-in-law, please visit her website at: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kaymonahan/journal
Posted on: Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Here it comes again – the Holiday Army – in its annual march against us. Some of its generals are called “Thanksgiving,” “Christmas,” “Hanukah,” “New Year’s Eve” and “New Year’s Day.” They are no respecters of the heartbroken and emotionally wounded, and their troops are merciless. They take no prisoners! They demand that we participate in their joy and nostalgia or they will mow us down with their militant tanks of holiday spirit.
Sometimes they declare their war on us openly – without shame or remorse. Sometimes, they wait for us in ambush. Their intelligence operators have been working diligently all year, waiting for the Thanksgiving Day (or sometimes Halloween!) trumpet signal to begin their attack. They just don’t seem satisfied to have their celebrations and parties and dinners and festivities unless they can recruit ALL of us into their ranks.
Actually, we wish them well. All we really want is for them to leave us alone and let us mourn in peace and quiet. We prefer our “Silent Nights” to their “Deck the Halls” and “Jingle Bells.” We don’t intentionally spoil their fun, it’s just that our pain makes them uncomfortable. They’ve been conditioned to believe that “The Holiday Season” should have no blemish of suffering or lack of frivolity. We must not only bandage our wounds while in their presence, but cover them with taffeta and sequins besides. They are convinced that all we need is to “put on a happy face” and all our sorrows will magically evaporate.
In their mad pursuit of happiness, they shoot us with the bullets of shopping, piped-in music, special holiday foods and fragrances, gift wrapping, decorations (especially the angels!), joyous children with happy smiles, cards, invitations, parties and gift exchanges. Any other time of the year, snow is considered a nuisance to shovel and plow through. At the holiday season, though, it is touted as romantic and is linked to sleighs and starry nights in front of fireplaces, snuggled close to those we love.
The most devastating bombs they drop into our lives are the images of reunion – times of greeting and hugging folks who are much loved and sometimes not often seen for awhile. They may only be separated by geography; our absent loved ones cannot cross the chasm of loss that looms before our tear-filled eyes. They remind us of things we should be thankful for (and we are more thankful for many of those things than they can ever imagine). They prod us with their spears of delightful togetherness, never realizing that what they celebrate is what we cannot now enjoy. We would not dream of attacking them in these battles for holiday survival. With our noses pressed against the glass that divides us, we actually long to be able to be part of their happiness. We remember the times we joined in their fun and we, too, were part of their army of nostalgia and joy.
Our broken hearts and bleeding wounds do not excuse us from being gracious, however. While grief does not give us permission to be rude and selfish, and we take no overt action against their aggression, we are not without defenses in these battles. We can shield ourselves with the armor of dignity with kind but direct and simple explanations: “We understand your need for celebration, but this year we prefer quiet and private reflection and meditation.” “Right now it’s hard for us to function in large groups and to appreciate laughter and high spirits.” “Our energy is so limited; we’d appreciate some quiet one-on-one time with you in a more spiritual atmosphere.” We can gently remind them of how important it is for us to remember those we love who are gone. These are statements that clarify our position without judging or criticizing them for theirs. In kind and non-threatening ways, we need to tell them what’s good for us, because they won’t think of it on their own, and they can use the education.
We also can exercise the muscles of our sense of humor. It will take some effort on our part, but so does anything that is worthwhile and good for us. We can teach ourselves not to fall into the trap of thinking that our grief makes us the center of the universe. We can limit our demands that others treat us in “special” and “deferential” ways because of our pain. We can cut them a little slack and remember that once upon a time, we were just like they are now. It’s good and healthy for us to review our perspectives now and then and decide if we’re being fair and reasonable.
We can express our love in simple and unhurried ways without all the frenetic, expensive and often hysterical hype that the holidays can generate. And we must exercise the expression of our love. Grief does not rob us of our ability to love; it reminds us ever more dramatically of our need to both give and receive love while we are here.
Whenever we can take some control in our situations, we empower ourselves, and then we feel less like victims in what seems like a war of “peace on earth, goodwill toward men.” Anytime we can educate and inform with mercy and compassion, we have given a truly spiritual holiday gift of love that will keep on giving forever.
May your season be filled with genuine blessings of peace.
Good Grief Resources (http://www.goodgriefresources.com) was conceived and founded by Andrea Gambill whose 17-year-old daughter died in 1976. In 1977, she founded one of the earliest chapters of The Compassionate Friends, an international bereaved-parent support group. In 1987, she founded and edited Bereavement magazine, and in 2000, she joined Centering Corporation as Editor of their new magazine, Grief Digest. Twenty eight years of experience in grief support has provided valuable insights into the unique needs of the bereaved and their caregivers and wide access to many excellent resources.
Posted on: Monday, December 19, 2011
Although it may seem unfair to those of us who have lost a life partner, child, parent, or close friend, the holiday season has returned. And with it’s return all of the expectations and disappointments that normally riddle this season with contradictory emotions are exacerbated 1,000 fold for those of us who suffer a significant loss.
Not only are we expected to gather with family and friends and “be of good cheer,” we are expected to be thankful, generous, and to feel like celebrating. This can be a tall order, indeed, if we are still deeply saddened, possibly depressed; if we are still working through feelings of anger at the world and a sense of injustice; in the death of our loved one caused rifts in family relationships or in our financial well being; if other family members are also grieving; or if we are already feeling isolated and misunderstood by others.
But even for those of us who have perhaps resolved some of these feelings and issues, the holiday season may be fraught with emotional pain. This is because our best and worst memories are often generated in the crucible of holiday celebration. As the holidays come upon us we are both unconsciously and consciously reminded of our lost loved one. The intense yearning for this person can be overwhelming at these times. Without warning, memories of how the person did certain things, what they said, their likes and dislikes, and their unique and individual contribution to the celebration come pouring back, leaving in their wake the felt void of the person’s presence.
While all of the above is very likely to be part of the experience of a bereaved person during the holiday season, it does not have to comprise the entire experience. The upcoming holidays: Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas, and Kwanza share the common theme of celebrating the winter months by finding/creating light in the darkness. For the bereaved finding the light in the darkness can serve as a powerful metaphor for the healing process. What the light will represent will depend on the individual: for some it may be a heightened sense of peace and acceptance; for others it may be finding a balance between sadness and hope for the future; for some it may mean finding some enjoyment in one or two aspects of the season and accepting that experience as being enough; for some it may mean simply surviving the holiday season largely intact, and heaving a sigh of welcome relief with it’s passing. All of these types of light are fine. Just as there is no one to experience loss there is no one way to find one’s way through the holidays.
A large part of finding the light consists in making friends with and even managing the darkness. What does this mean? First it means, realizing in advance that the holidays WILL be different, that there will be feelings of sadness and loss, as well as memories which may be happy, but poignant. Even if those around you are not able to drop their expectations that you will be appropriately “cheerful,” you can change your expectations for yourself. Realistic self expectations will go a long way in freeing you from an unnecessary sense of having failed to please those around you. This means not only the expectations of the living, but also those which are so often projected on to the dead. Even if your lost loved one would have ‘wanted you to be happy’ you do not have to be happy. Perhaps happiness will return in a year or two — all you have to do now is acknowledge and accept the feelings that you are having.
In the same vein, you can help family and friends to alter their expectations of you by releasing them from the responsibility of SEEING to it that the bereaved person has a good time. This well intentioned, but inappropriate adopting of responsibility for the bereaved person’s emotional status can lead to an experience of failure if the bereaved person shows signs of sadness. This sense of failure in turn leads to the expression of impatience and anger toward the bereaved person. By letting others know what to expect and making it clear that they are not responsible for making your holidays happy you may experience greater harmony and acceptance.
Knowing how much time you feel you want to spend with others and how much time you want to have to yourself can be invaluable in making plans for the holidays. Make plans which will give you the balance between private time and social that feels right. If possible, choose to be with those who are best able to support you at this time in your life.
Remembering to use your bereavement support system if you have established one can be very helpful. Often support groups and therapy are suspended over the holiday season, the very time when they are most needed. Make plans to stay in touch with one or two support group members over the season, and know how to contact your therapist in case you are feeling overwhelmed.
Making a space to actively remember the lost loved one is also important. You might want to acknowledge your memories privately in a journal, or a letter to the dead person. A grave side visit or a visit to your church or synagogue may be helpful. For families and friends it can be very useful to include a memorial activity in the holiday plans. This could be as simple as talking about the dead person or could involve honoring the person in your traditional holiday ceremonies.
Finding a balance between your need for support and other’s needs for your involvement in the activities of the present will also be helpful as you navigate the holiday social calendar. It is important to remember that the holidays are difficult for many. You may find that being attentive to the thoughts and ideas of others will provide you with some relief from your own sadness, and help you to feel more connected to the present and less drawn to the past.
Finally, it is often giving that helps to ease the pain of loss. There are many positive ways of giving which can also allow you to continue your healing process. And don’t forget that it is also OK to give to yourself. Treat yourself to something special — it doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive, it just needs to feel right.
As the time between the loss and the present grows, the holidays generally become easier to manage. But it is likely that you will find that creating light in the dark season will be a continued source of comfort and even as they say, joy, linking you not only to your lost loved one, but to the very heart of the holiday season.
by Laura Slap-Shelton, Psy.D.
